Earlier this year, GOOD Morning Wilton featured a story about Wilton resident Marie Dimasi participating in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention‘s Overnight Walk to raise awareness about suicide prevention and funds for the AFSP’s education, research and advocacy programs. It was the eighth year she took part, walking 18 miles across Washington, DC overnight (8 p.m. until 5 a.m.) in memory of her older brother, Steven, who died by suicide in 1991 at the age of 13. She wrote this follow-up after the walk.
When GOOD Morning Wilton approached me to share my story of “Why I Walk,” I did not expect the outpouring of support from the community. This has been my narrative since I was 9 years old, but only in the last year have I really processed my grief, truly turning my pain into purpose.
This grief that used to debilitate me is now ‘my why’. My ultimate goal would be to live in a world without suicide but I find myself again and again sharing about postvention — what we are doing to support the families that have been affected and for those who are struggling.
I always worry about our youth and how we need to do more. I know for my family in 1991 there was very little support after, and I spent a lot of time learning from others on this year’s walk about what their communities are doing for postvention.
I will be putting my focus on that in the upcoming year, as well as on “Project 2025,” which is the American Foundation’s for Suicide Prevention’s bold goal to reduce rates of suicide by 20% in the year 2025. [As part of that effort] I returned to DC at the end of June for my first-ever Advocacy Forum representing the Connecticut Chapter of the AFSP, where I met with members of Congress to make my voice heard for suicide prevention and mental health.
I wanted to thank everyone who donated. So many anonymous donations came in, and I am truly so grateful. I also want to thank all the people who reached out to me — I am still trying to get back to everyone. Collectively over 1,700 people walked 18 miles from dusk to dawn and we raised $2.6 million. These funds will help with education, research and advocacy as well as provide support for those affected by suicide.
This year’s overnight walk hit differently; my goal for this walk was to stay present and only use my phone for photos. I walked with Team DC Souls Overnight, a team primarily made up of sibling loss survivors. This year, I needed to walk with people who truly understood what it’s like to be a sibling survivor of suicide loss. This team welcomed me with open arms and huge hugs.
One of my team members shared, “A sibling is supposed to be your longest-lasting relationship, from early childhood to old age.” This resonated with me, and I think what makes this loss so hard is we didn’t get a chance to go beyond childhood…. and some days I am angry he is not here for this chapter in life. As a survivor of sibling suicide loss, my emotions can be expressed as anger, guilt, and sadness even 32 years later.
My team had been keeping a secret for me, something I had shared with GMW off the record before the walk — that I was the closing ceremony speaker. I had set three goals for myself last July: the first was to become more active with my local chapter and become a board member; take the grief educator course; and lastly, participate in the ceremony at The Overnight. In less than a year, all of these things came to fruition.
Truthfully, years ago I had sat at the Opening Ceremony of my very first walk listening to a person share their story, and I thought to myself that one day I want to do that. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it would happen to me eight walks later. For the first time, I didn’t feel imposter syndrome and even joked that I felt like Forrest Gump sharing my story on the steps by the Lincoln Memorial.
This honor was bestowed upon me by Erin and Heather, my pillars for The Overnight (as I call them), but they have been with me since my first walk, and when they asked me if I would be willing to do it I nearly fell on the floor.
I didn’t want my fear of speaking at the end of the walk to take over the healing process that is the walk. I am happy to report — for the first time ever in my life — I was completely present moment to moment from start to finish! (Evidence of this can be seen in the video footage of me during the closing ceremony. I took a moment and just looked out. I wanted to take it all in — the people wrapped like little silver burritos, the Washington Monument in the distance as the sun started to come up, all the luminaria representing all the loved ones lost, and the reflecting pool with the word ‘hope’ reflecting in it.)
With my family supporting me from afar and people who have become my family encouraging me on-site, I truly never felt alone. My mantra (and probably my next tattoo) is, “What she tackles, she conquers.”
My eighth Overnight Walk was just that. I had set out to travel down to DC to complete another walk, learning that my body can do hard things, that anxiety lessens when you are surrounded by love and support, that you can share your story at 5 a.m. after walking all night and it’s okay to cry a little while doing it, that people come into your life for a reason, and lastly, that everyone has a story that should be shared and it can help other people.
If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1.800.273.TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.