Starting this month, the Wilton Library is giving people who are experiencing the challenges of memory loss a safe place to gather, engage in some cognitive exercises, and socialize in a welcoming setting with others.
The monthly Memory Cafe opened on Tuesday, May 20, with six memory-challenged individuals and their respective care partners taking part in the hour-long get-together.
“It went better than I could ever have expected,” Wilton Library Adult Programming Associate Caryn Friedman-Quinn said.
She described how the library’s Brubeck Room was transformed into a comfortable gathering space, with a selection of refreshments served, music played, and the positive light air of a small party permeating the afternoon.
“Every single person there, whether a care partner or an individual with memory issues, was engaged,” she said. “There was a lot of laughter and it was great.”
RVNAhealth, a Ridgefield-based nonprofit healthcare agency, is leading the program in partnership with the library. For the first event, professionals from that group conducted what they described as a “getting-to-know-you activity.”
“We’re so proud to be doing this with the Wilton Library,” RVNA Marketing Project Manager Lisa Fleming said.
She pointed out that the library was already a place where visitors felt comfortable.
“Now it’s also a place where those living with memory loss, and their families, can find connection and support,” Fleming said.
The concept of the memory cafe began in the Netherlands in 1997. Started by a Dutch psychologist named Bere Miesen, it was first hosted at a lecture room in Leiden University, with the original concept targeting Alzheimer’s disease and described as an “Alzheimer’s Cafe.”
Over the past 28 years it’s been adopted by many different countries, with different variations.
Friedman-Quinn noted that they originally weren’t that popular in the United States.
“But what has happened over the intervening years is, the number of people that are being diagnosed with some form or dementia or Alzheimer’s, is growing by leaps and bounds as Baby Boomers age,” she said, though the reasons remain unknown. She said some believe it’s attributable to increased pollutants in the environment, some say there are simply better diagnostic tools being used to determine issues, and some will say it’s a combination of reasons.
Friedman-Quinn thought that, while the library already has many programs targeting children and toddlers, there are also many senior who patronize the library and have additional time for programs.
“I thought, ‘What’s happening with those people who are being diagnosed with dementia?'” she said, speculating on how isolation adds to their condition.
“What we do know is that those people, their lives are becoming very small,” she said. “The circle of their lives are shrinking, so I thought to myself, ‘Why can’t we have a memory cafe here at the library?'”
“Research has proven that the more stimulation that they have, mental stimulation … perhaps the slower the progress of the disease, and it would help them to get in touch with some of their memories, so that was the genesis for the program,” Friedman-Quinn said.
The first Wilton Library memory cafe began with inquiries about each person’s favorite song, as well as questions about their interests and former occupations. An assistant wrote out answers on a white board, with more questions prompted by those answers.
“We learned all these things about these people and they learned things about each other,” Friedman-Quinn said. “And then someone played each of their favorite songs … And of course it led to some additional information.”
“It was amazing how these people just opened up and shared,” she said, “and I give the credit for that to the dementia specialist because of her demeanor and her way of speaking, and she used humor in many situations. It was just amazing how they relaxed and spoke.”
Danielle Taibi, a care continuum and dementia specialist with RVNA, led the memory cafe.
“People with dementia tend to retreat socially as outings become challenging and overstimulating,” Taibi said. “They often feel unsafe and uncomfortable that their condition will be exposed and their behavior judged.”
“Memory cafes offer a community-based social opportunity in a safe and supportive space, with tailored activities to enhance the quality of life of the participants,” she said, noting that in some cases the partner caregivers are also experiencing limited social opportunities and can also benefit from participating.
“All those experiencing cognitive decline, or (who) are diagnosed with dementia or mild cognitive decline, are welcome,” Taibi said. “A diagnosis isn’t necessary.”
She said, however, that care partners must be present and available to assist with needs, should they arise during the cafe.
“I had a number of volunteers from the library staff who were there to help out and I had a couple of (them) who were in tears,” Friedman-Quinn said. “It’s very touching, and especially the younger you are, and if you know of someone personally who has gone through some of this, it’s very touching.”
She said the next program will be on Tuesday, June 24, and follow monthly on Tuesday afternoons.
“Everyone seemed very interested in coming back,” she said.
While the library hopes more people will try it, Friedman-Quinn said she intends to cap the cafe at 10 pairs.
“The next program is going to be music,” Friedman-Quinn said. “I have someone coming in who plays guitar and he sings … Hopefully, by the end, there’ll be more people singing than the guitarist.”
“They’re coming here for fun,” she said, “to smile, to meet new people and to do something that will really make them happy.”
To be admitted to the program, each Memory Café participant must be accompanied by a care partner for the entire hour. Registration is required, either by calling Friedman-Quinn at 203.762.6320 or via email. Include both partner’s names and a telephone number or email for additional contact.