Obituary: John Patrick Ruane, 1954-2024

John Patrick Ruane, 69, of Wilton, died on Oct. 22, following unexpected complications from neurosurgery at Stanford Hospital in Palo Alto, CA. Although these complications caused suffering, John found peace in his final days.

Friends and relatives called to share happy memories, and he prayed with Buddhist chaplains. He died in his sleep at a serene hospice house with his daughter by his side.

John was born on Dec. 9, 1954, to Marianne (née McDermott) Ruane and Joseph Ruane. Following their father’s untimely death in 1957, John and his siblings were raised by their mother in Summit, NJ. John spent several difficult years at Delbarton School where, as he shared openly in recent years, he faced devastating clergy abuse. He earned a BA in philosophy from Grinnell College (Iowa). John worked for 25 years as an operations producer at NBC Sports, working his way up from the tape library and earning several Emmy Awards with the broadcasting team.

In 1989, he married Marnie Reynolds, and together they raised one daughter, Isabel. John was an affectionate, playful, and exuberant father. He and Isabel held hands wherever they walked and sat together on the couch when the family watched movies, sports, or the “Nightly News with Tom Brokaw.” When Isabel was little, John took care of her every Tuesday and always concocted a delightful father-daughter adventure. Being a father — as well as an uncle and father figure to other children — brought joy and purpose to John’s life, and he was excited to grow into the role of “Grandpa John.” He had already begun a tradition of bringing fresh bread whenever he visited, just as his beloved Grandpa Vincent had done.

John enjoyed spending time with his family, thinking, reading, talking, dancing, yoga, cooking, eating, traveling, and exploring, both in body and mind. Over the course of his life, he adored his dogs Sundance, Libby, and Anni, and loved connecting with other dog lovers. John always maintained an interest in religion and philosophy, spending a few years as a member of the Norfield Church in Weston and his final years exploring Tibetan Buddhism under the guidance of the DNKL Buddhist Center in Redding. He always loved to help friends and acquaintances, and he sought opportunities to volunteer, whether serving as president of the Wilton Riding Club, helping around the farm at Ambler Farm, or traveling to Philadelphia to register voters during Barack Obama’s presidential campaign. Even on his deathbed, he asked Isabel, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”

As his friends and family know, John was blessed with a warm heart and keen intelligence, but he also struggled throughout his life. He was introduced to alcohol at a very young age, and alcohol addiction placed a shadow over his life for two decades. As a young father, he committed to sobriety; by the time of his death, he had been sober for nearly 30 years. He treasured opportunities to mentor others on the same journey. Following his recovery, John also received psychiatric care for at least a decade, and those years were some of John’s best: he excelled at his work, and he enjoyed a joyful and stable family life among a lively community of friends in Wilton.

John loved his large and tight-knit family dearly, and his family loved him back. John was predeceased by his father; mother; brother Joseph Ruane; uncle John Ruane, SJ; cousin Brigid Gibbons; and grandfather Vincent McDermott. He leaves behind his daughter Isabel (née Ruane) O’Connor, son-in-law Luke O’Connor and grand-daughter Louise O’Connor; former wife, Marnie Reynolds, with whom he reconciled in his final days; sister Marianne (née Ruane) Tamms; brother-in-law Kenny Tamms; nieces Lauren (née Ruane) Lee, Jenny (née Tamms) Prendeville, and Katie Tamms; nephews Justin Ruane, Christopher Tamms, and Conor Tamms; aunt Arlene (née McDermott) Gibbons; uncle Jim Gibbons; cousins Jim Gibbons, Brendan Gibbons, Mary Clare Gibbons, Kathleen (née Gibbons) Schuck, Annie (née Gibbons) Helbock; cousin Patti Ruane; numerous other Ruane and McDermott cousins; and the spouses and children of all his nieces, nephews, and cousins.

A memorial service was held on Sunday, Nov. 3, at Ambler Farm.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Ambler Farm, the DNKL Buddhist Center, the Stanford Center for Excellence in Palliative Care, or Mission Hospice.