Editor’s Note: We’ve written about the popular and widely-used Facebook group, Wilton CT 411. Last week, a new Facebook group was launched called Wilton CT 412. According to the description: “This group is open to all discussion and debate in the town of Wilton CT. Posts will NEVER be deleted or censored. This is a place where residents can air opinions and thoughts…good or bad. This site is open to anyone with interests in Wilton CT. This site is a gateway to town information and discussions.” One recent post mentioned this: “We will never censor or delete posts like other town groups!”
Wilton 412 inspired one Wilton resident to submit the following op-ed, what she called, “One woman’s opinion on our responsibility, when it comes to the voice we have and how we use it.“
After the creation of a new Facebook group, Wilton CT 412, I felt compelled to write the following.
One thing is for sure, I wholeheartedly agree with our right to freedom of speech. One thing I also believe in wholeheartedly is the fact we need to think about our words and how they may affect others.
With the always-growing use of the Internet, social media sites and texting it is easier than ever to utilize freedom of speech. On one level you have a concept where people believe they can pretty much say anything they want, whenever they want. In reality this may be true. This may be your right. My question is, do you also have a responsibility to THINK about what you’re saying and what it may do to someone else?
I teach elementary school children to THINK before they speak.
T- Is it true?
H – Is it helpful?
I – Is it inspiring?
N – Is it necessary?
K – Is it kind?
Now, some could argue that I am asking them to self-censor themselves. I would argue that I am teaching children how to be caring, kind and respectful individuals. I teach them that they always have a right to their opinions. I also teach them that they have a right to share those opinions (freedom of speech).
We have lengthy discussions about their purpose in sharing those opinions and the manner in which they do it. The kids laugh when I ask them if I am ever boring when I teach them lessons. They all look unsure, almost as if I am trying to trick them. I remind them that they have a right to their opinion, no matter what it is. So, eventually a few kids often admit that yes, I am sometimes boring. I ask them if it is OK for them to tell me that I am boring. Inevitably one brave soul usually says, “Yes, we can say anything we want, we have free speech.” I then agree with that child, because they are right.
But, here is the most important part of our lesson. I ask them if they should come up to me and say, “Mrs. D, you are the worst teacher ever, you are boring and you really stink.” (I use a real nasty tone when I say it too).
I am so proud when all of the students say, no we shouldn’t say it like that.
I ask them why, and they share that, if they said it like that it would be hurtful and the end result would only be my feeling bad about myself. I then act really confused and ponder what on earth they should say then, they do have freedom of speech after all? And to my amazement, every time I teach this lesson, a student inevitably comes up with something like this: “Well, I think we have a right to tell you that you are boring. If we stop and THINK though first, I think we can say it in a way that is helpful. Like, ‘Mrs. D. sometimes your lessons are a little boring, do you think we could find some new activities to make learning more exciting in your class?’ This way we got to use our freedom of speech, but respected you at the same time.”
Ding ding ding!! Lesson learned. There are ways to share negative, honest opinions is a way that is not disrespectful to another person.
So, why on earth did I feel compelled to write this letter? I guess I am so busy working with young children (my own and the ones in my school) that I sometimes forget adults can benefit from these same lessons. With the creation of Wilton CT 412, a group that encourages “debate, dialogue and discussion,” I feel excited by the possibilities while also feeling worried about what the outcome could be. This is because I am reminded of the important lessons associated with free speech that adults sometimes forget.
I hope that we as adults, can role model for those around us (both adults and children) what it looks like when we thoughtfully and carefully utilize our right to free speech. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? It is necessary? Is it kind? THINK. Just THINK about what you are saying, why you are saying it, how you are saying it. Your voice can be heard and it should be heard. It’s a lot easier to hear and understand a voice, though, when someone is thoughtful about what they are saying.
And that is just my opinion.