There’s some tough, honest talk about kids and drinking and drugs coming to Wilton next week, brought by Chris Herren, a former NBA player who struggled with substance abuse most of his basketball career. Drug- and alcohol-free since August 1, 2008, Herren created The Herren Project, a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing treatment navigation, mentoring programs and education to raise awareness of the dangers of substance abuse. He travels around the United States and will be at Wilton High School on Tuesday, Oct. 21.
When Herren speaks to the students during the day, and then gives a talk for parents and kids 13-and-older later that evening at 7 p.m. at the Clune Auditorium, he plans on delivering a very direct message. At the heart of the matter is how teens cope with insecurities, pressures and stresses–especially profound in a community like Wilton, where the pressure to succeed and excel academically, on the field and in life, is high. The problem, says Herren, is when kids turn to alcohol and drugs as their way to cope with those pressures.
“We’ve made a huge misjudgment and error in the way we teach our kids about addiction–we focus on the perils, the last day, the final hours. We show the pictures, the devastation. Yet we forget to recognize day one. We forget to teach our kids where it begins. We want to show them the cause, but not the beginning.”
Not only does Herren talk to parents as a former addict, but also as their peer–he’s the father of a 15-year-old boy and a soon-to-be 13-year-old girl.
“As parents, we sometimes ask ‘How much did you drink, how much did you smoke?’ or ‘What did you drink? What did you take?’ and not ‘Why?’ The why is the critical piece. When you ask ‘Why?’ now you’re getting down to the real reason, the emotional piece. The question I ask every kid is, ‘How come on Friday and Saturday nights you can’t be yourself? Why do you have to change who you are?’”
Herren hopes that parent and kids both hear that message and leave knowing that they have to do more to pay attention to the start of the problem and not accept the troubling behaviors in the first place. “I’m tired of hearing, ‘That’s what kids do.’ Kids don’t go into medicine cabinets and take pills. That’s an issue, a major issue. Kids aren’t supposed to drink until they black out. Kids aren’t supposed to drink, period.”
He adds, “Call a spade a spade, kids at 14, 18 even 20 years, it’s self-medication, and yet we’ve accepted that. We’ve failed our kids miserably in accepting that our kids self-medicate through the difficult, awkward years. It’s a behavior that’s learned way too early.”
Herren speaks from personal, first-hand experience. As part of the presentation he tells kids and parents alike his own story of starting to drink at age 14, in the finished basement of his own suburban home, with his parents upstairs.
GOOD Morning Wilton mentioned some of the issues Wilton has dealt with in the past–whether it’s teen drinking abetted by parents who provide alcohol, or rumors of students dabbling in heroin and other prescription drug abuse. Social media is already humming with “open house” mentions as this weekend’s Homecoming festivities kick off today.
“The feedback I get from parents is that they don’t want their kids to be left out or ‘not part of.’ It’s a very small window of time to keep your kids out of that scene. If you’re able to do that, the rewards at the end are so great. The gamble of that is so extreme. Nobody ever starts out in that finished basement–with the parents upstairs thinking their kids are safe–saying, ‘I’m going to be a heroin addict later in life.’ or ‘I’m going to be an alcoholic until I’m 60.’ That’s not how kids envision it. But that’s where it begins.”
His advice for parents is tough love.
“As a community, as parents, don’t give them the option. The less options, the better.”
Part of the advantage of Herren being the messenger for this honest message is that he is a former athlete who has been in the big time. Especially talking to a crowd of high achievers and their families, it’s one that everyone needs to hear.
“If things are so good, and you have so many opportunities, and you live in this amazing community with so many advantages, why would you have to run away from who you are? That’s a question I ask the kids. There’s a price to pay, and I wouldn’t want to be the parent who has to live with the burden knowing when it began for a child now struggling [with addiction] in their 20s and 30s. And often, the stronger drugs are in the higher-wealth communities.”
Providing the structure and support for kids is also part of Herren’s message.
“Kids have it tougher today, it’s not even close. The pressure of success, getting into colleges, SATs and social media, not to mention the surge of prescription medication. We didn’t do those things–synthetic marijuana, vapor marijuana. The self destruction has accelerated.”
Herren acknowledged that his evening talk will most likely draw some parents who are already primed to hear his message and attuned to trying to prevent this problem. It’s the less-engaged parents that he also hopes to attract–and the talk he does with the kids at the high school earlier the same day often prompts the kids to go home and encourage their parents to attend the nighttime parent talk.
“It’s an opportunity to create a conversation with your kids–a conversation that often isn’t had because it’s awkward. It’s a major health issue, and I think embarrassing for people not to show up. It shows you don’t care. When you think about the staggering numbers–25-30 million people suffering from drug addiction and alcoholism in the U.S., and more than 90 percent of that number started as teenagers. There aren’t many people who started out saying they can’t wait to become an addict. Just that number alone should tell you we have to do more.”
During the presentation he makes to kids, Herren says he asks them some tough questions.
“You’re affluent, very successful in the classroom, smart, educated, driven and when I ask them why, on Friday and Saturday nights they choose to change, that’s a tough thing to answer, because it’s a tough look within. Substance abuse — that’s the topic and the talk, but it’s also a soul talk and a self reflection talk. Who am I, where am I and where am I going?”
He hopes that question, ‘Where am I going?’ is something that resonates.
“My goal is to make a difference in at least one person’s life,” Herren said. “I am sharing my story to spread a message of hope and to let people know that it’s never too late to start a new chapter in life.”
This event is sponsored by Wilton Youth Council, Wilton Public Schools, Wilton Youth Services and Silver Hill Hospital. The event is supported by Cider Mill PTA, Human Services Council, Insight Counseling, Kids in Crisis, Middlebrook PTA, Newport Academy, Positive Directions, Wilton PTA Council, and Wilton High School PTSA.
As part of the evening talk, organizations will participate in a prevention, treatment and recovery services fair beginning at 6:30 p.m. The presentation will begin at 7 p.m. and will end with a Q&A session. This event is FREE and is appropriate for ages 13 and older.